View the full text of my essay at the links below.
Original Version (.pdf) | Revised Version (.pdf)
For our second major project of the semester, I wrote a report on an organization here at Iowa State University.
On this page, which serves as an example of my written communication, I’ve included both the original and revised versions of my report, as well as some reflection on what changes I made and how those changes benefited the finished piece.
Report on an Organization
For this assignment, I researched, visited, and explored Iowa State University’s Reiman Gardens. The more I learned about Reiman Gardens, the more interested and excited I became about visiting them. During my visit, I realized I could learn even more about an organization or place by being there physically. My favorite part was the butterfly wing, and I enjoyed simply standing in the gardens and looking at the beautiful plants. I also liked learning about the Reimans and their contribution to making Iowa State a better place to learn. When it came time to write the report, I had already collected multiple sources to draw from and was able to include pictures from my visit. Reiman Gardens helps fulfill Iowa State’s mission by creating an environment that makes education enjoyable.
Reflection on Written Communication
I realize now that when I first drafted my report on Reiman Gardens, I wasn’t sure how to organize my thoughts, and so I had a hard time keeping relevant details next to each other. After reading and trying to understand feedback from my instructor and peers, I came to understand that my report required a clearer thesis statement and more helpful headings, my body paragraphs lacked focus, and my main points lacked support because I did not clearly cite facts and statistics from my sources.
After taking this feedback into consideration, I returned to the draft and began revising. I added several sentences to my introduction, better establishing who my audience was, providing background information about Reiman Gardens, and clarifying my thesis statement. Then, I reread the website again, searching for facts to support my points, and worked these facts into my body paragraphs, cutting, adding, and moving the sentences already there.
The finished product is much stronger, as I hope you’ll agree. Not only is my own audience and purpose more clearly defined for my readers, and my writing more focused and purposeful, it is now fully supported and illustrated in all major places by facts and statistics. It turns out, having to reread the website and include more concrete details forced me to better understand what the Reiman Gardens are all about. Thus, my report was finally able to articulate what makes Reiman Gardens special and how it helps to fulfill the university’s mission and further the goals of the land grant acts.
This kind of understanding will undoubtedly be useful in my future studies and in my career, as thoughtful research, concrete details, and logical organization help in making all kinds of texts more readable and interesting. Since producing communication is likely to be an important part of my work for the rest of my life, these skills will be useful indeed.